Do you trust your instincts about people?
For a long time, I didn't. If I got a bad feeling (or even a series of bad feelings) about a person, I'd berate myself for jumping to conclusions. I'd figure I was just being a judgmental jerk.
Let's just say I ended up getting hurt a lot.
My late mother said to me once, "Terry, you see a red light, but you just keep on going. It's self-destructive." Of course, she was right, but it took me several years (and a heap of painful relationships) before I appreciated what she meant. These days I frequently have the opportunity to heed her advice because I just love to entertain. I enjoy spending time with friends, and I welcome my friends to bring along their friends so I can meet new people.
My husband and I recently threw a get-together. For the most part, we had a great time: Vodka and tonic and bruschetta and chili dip and a crackling fire added up to a pretty spectacular night.
The low point? One of our guests brought along a friend who gave me the heebie-jeebies. He dressed well, approached Brad Pitt in star-quality looks, and came off reasonably well-mannered. Yet something bothered me about him. Instead of dismissing my feelings this time, I honored them. I managed to stay away from him until he got the heck out of my house.
Is it possible I'm wrong about the guy? Maybe. Possibly. But I'd be 110% sure before I ever took him for a friend.
How about you?
Do you trust your instincts about people? Do you let them show you who they are before you decide whether they deserve a seat at your banquet? I'm talking about your life here!
I opened an email from a woman today who said her longtime boyfriend has never let her into his house. She often can't reach him by phone, either. What do you think is going on there? When we don't trust our instincts, we make excuses like, "Well, he's probably shy about letting a woman into his private space," or "He's been hurt before, and he's afraid to make himself vulnerable," or "He's so busy," and so on.
But, deep down, we know the truth.
When we love ourselves, we respect our instincts. We heed red lights because we're no longer self-destructive.
Are you heeding red lights or blowing straight through them to disaster?
Monday, February 5, 2007
Computer Dating: Good or Bad?
Dating sites on the Internet have become so prevalent over the last couple of years, that you might be forgiven for thinking everyone in the world is looking for someone. This might not be far from the truth, of course, because we are a gregarious society and thrive on the company (and maybe sexual relationships) of others. Birds do it, bees do, even educated fleas do it...
A friend of mine has been on sites, on and off, for a couple of years. Some are free, like Love@Lycos, Plentyoffish.com and Midsummers Eve. Others have little hidden catches: free to join, but a payment if you want to message someone, or a limited time in which to contact someone, before you need to get your credit card out.
For him, the most prolific of these – in terms of ‘results’ - has been Match.com. He has been with them all: Friends Reunited Dating, Lycos, Plentyoffish and more – but Match has been the most efficient way of contacting ladies of a similar frame of mind.
Being the biggest site on the Net probably has something to do with it, but he says he was able to search for partners within a small radius of his home, and find more suitable applicants. None of the other sites could give him any contact within 10 miles of his town, but Match came up trumps.
This doesn’t mean, of course, that any relationship is destined to last; often people chat online, phone each other, meet – but in a lot of cases, the relationship fizzles out, sometimes after the first date. In my friend's opinion, it’s rare to go beyond a first date without bailing out or desperately backtracking, but he claims to have made a few friends on such sites, and in the cold light of day, friends are people you can choose to be with or not, as the case may be; not everyone wants a 24/7 intense relationship.
A friend of mine has been on sites, on and off, for a couple of years. Some are free, like Love@Lycos, Plentyoffish.com and Midsummers Eve. Others have little hidden catches: free to join, but a payment if you want to message someone, or a limited time in which to contact someone, before you need to get your credit card out.
For him, the most prolific of these – in terms of ‘results’ - has been Match.com. He has been with them all: Friends Reunited Dating, Lycos, Plentyoffish and more – but Match has been the most efficient way of contacting ladies of a similar frame of mind.
Being the biggest site on the Net probably has something to do with it, but he says he was able to search for partners within a small radius of his home, and find more suitable applicants. None of the other sites could give him any contact within 10 miles of his town, but Match came up trumps.
This doesn’t mean, of course, that any relationship is destined to last; often people chat online, phone each other, meet – but in a lot of cases, the relationship fizzles out, sometimes after the first date. In my friend's opinion, it’s rare to go beyond a first date without bailing out or desperately backtracking, but he claims to have made a few friends on such sites, and in the cold light of day, friends are people you can choose to be with or not, as the case may be; not everyone wants a 24/7 intense relationship.
Online Dating: Age Related Nonsense?
Computer dating has half-revolutionised relationships. It's fun to meet someone online and to start a relationship, of sorts. None of them seem to have the appeal of younger conquests.
Of course, it’s age-related. The young people will undoubtedly have their oats every day of the week, move on quickly to the next conquest, hardly stopping for breath in between discovering different bed sheets and car seats. For oldies, a relationship is often difficult to sustain, because we’ve probably been there, done that, got the wet T shirt. We’ve been hurt, fed up, dominated. We don’t want that again, and are very wary of second chances. I haven’t analysed it too much, but, for those who sneer at the thought, maybe that’s what holds us back?
Much of the excitement is also in the ‘chase’ – one tends to get hooked on contacting people online, trying a bit of banter, getting some interest, then moving on again to the next contact. My friend is heavily involved in this arena. Rarely, in his experience, does a contact with someone last more than the heart-trembling couple of messages; by then, he is usually peed off with the whole idea of meeting a stranger, or needs that ‘magic fix’ of contacting the next potential.
But yes, he says, it IS fun. Healthy too, as you don’t have to leave your computer, your house, your inhibitions. Try it. Computer dating might be your thing. Or you might just end up with an Amstrad.
Of course, it’s age-related. The young people will undoubtedly have their oats every day of the week, move on quickly to the next conquest, hardly stopping for breath in between discovering different bed sheets and car seats. For oldies, a relationship is often difficult to sustain, because we’ve probably been there, done that, got the wet T shirt. We’ve been hurt, fed up, dominated. We don’t want that again, and are very wary of second chances. I haven’t analysed it too much, but, for those who sneer at the thought, maybe that’s what holds us back?
Much of the excitement is also in the ‘chase’ – one tends to get hooked on contacting people online, trying a bit of banter, getting some interest, then moving on again to the next contact. My friend is heavily involved in this arena. Rarely, in his experience, does a contact with someone last more than the heart-trembling couple of messages; by then, he is usually peed off with the whole idea of meeting a stranger, or needs that ‘magic fix’ of contacting the next potential.
But yes, he says, it IS fun. Healthy too, as you don’t have to leave your computer, your house, your inhibitions. Try it. Computer dating might be your thing. Or you might just end up with an Amstrad.
How to Protect Yourself When Using Online Dating Services
Will you be the next one to find the love of your life online? 44% of adults are single according to the stats from Fox News. I have many friends who have successfully met over the internet, so it can be done. The other side of the coin is meeting a twisted individual who will make your life a living nightmare. Let's look at some vital tips to keep you safe and make the dating experience exciting.
No one wants to end up as a headline in the newspaper, for never coming back from a date! I have talked to different women about what their dates were like. One said she noticed the guy was really nervous and could not stay focused on the conversation. Needless to say she did not have a second date with him. Oh, by the way, he was lawyer.
Some important safety dating tips:
When setting up the date over the phone or on the internet, do not let the person talk you into picking you up! Keep control of the conversation and emphasize that you will meet them at a certain public place. You can have a friend drive you and you can have them pick you up. The key here is to have a well thought out game plan. Get to know a taxi driver and have him/her pick you up. By getting to know a nice taxi driver, you can make a safe get away if you need too.
Make sure you meet in a public place. Whatever you do, do not meet the person in a strip club. Do not meet them at their apartment or house, because that would be a bad time to find the person is related to Jeffrey Dahmer or Ted Bundy.
Tell a family member and a friend your going out on a date. Once your in the public place, you can excuse yourself to the bathroom and call a friend to let them know how things are going. The best time to excuse yourself is during dinner, which will not look suspicious. Again, after enjoying some caviar and a one hundred dollar glass of wine, your instincts should be telling you if this person is a possible soul mate. After the date, call your friend immediately, so they will know your alive and kicking!
If you have a cell phone, take it with you and make sure the battery is fully charged. Make sure you have emergency numbers programmed in your cell phone, for quick access. It is not a bad idea to have some pepper spray ready if needed. A flame-thrower is not a bad idea for first dates! This will keep things hot. If your food is under-cooked, the flame-thrower is an added bonus.
Do not get drunk by pounding back 5 shots of Jack Daniels and putting yourself in a situation where you can not use sound judgment. You need the perceptual powers of your mind, so you do not end up in a body bag somewhere. Not to mention, you might embarrass yourself by getting up on the table and doing a strip tease. Getting drunk will weaken your defenses and make you susceptible to being controlled by your date. Yes, drinking may take care of your nervousness, but you will lose your instincts to make right decisions.
Make sure you keep "ALL" personal items with you at all times! If you go to the bathroom, make sure your drink is consumed fully. You can simply ask for a new glass of water, when you get back from the bathroom. You don't want some magical sleeping powder slipped into your drink. If a person gets a hold of your cell phone, then your really in trouble. Protect your personal information by keeping it with you!
Do not go home with a person on the first date, unless the person is Lindsay Lohan or Richard Gere. Seriously! If you feel the other person is pushing you, then get up and leave immediately. The goal is to stay in a public place and pushy people are normally cons! A good con will try to talk you into anything! Watch out for the know it all and the pushy con artist! People who say, "oh... I know you want too" or "come on... we're having fun... let's go to your place." Anyone who tells you how to feel or what to think, run for your life!
In the unlucky event you have a psychopath on your hands, leave and get to your car. If you notice the person is following you, quickly get near a group of people. Call a taxi or friend to come and get you! Stay around a group of people and wait, but whatever you do, do not go anywhere alone. What does a person do in almost every horror movie? They run to a place where it is dark and there is no human soul in sight! You have to keep your wits and stick to the plan. Call someone and stay near a group of people. When you first get into the restaurant or wherever you are, scope out the the groups of people around you and be ready.
If you have a good time and feel at ease around the person, then set up another date and keep following the above rules, until you are sure about the date's intentions. Fox News found "ONLY" one website, that did a background check for felons and it was True.com. Also, you can have your cell phone number masked by Itellas.com. Itellas.com is just one extra measure, that may protect you from being traced by a psycho date! Most people today are finding love on the net and not through friends, so have a plan and wear a raincoat!
No one wants to end up as a headline in the newspaper, for never coming back from a date! I have talked to different women about what their dates were like. One said she noticed the guy was really nervous and could not stay focused on the conversation. Needless to say she did not have a second date with him. Oh, by the way, he was lawyer.
Some important safety dating tips:
When setting up the date over the phone or on the internet, do not let the person talk you into picking you up! Keep control of the conversation and emphasize that you will meet them at a certain public place. You can have a friend drive you and you can have them pick you up. The key here is to have a well thought out game plan. Get to know a taxi driver and have him/her pick you up. By getting to know a nice taxi driver, you can make a safe get away if you need too.
Make sure you meet in a public place. Whatever you do, do not meet the person in a strip club. Do not meet them at their apartment or house, because that would be a bad time to find the person is related to Jeffrey Dahmer or Ted Bundy.
Tell a family member and a friend your going out on a date. Once your in the public place, you can excuse yourself to the bathroom and call a friend to let them know how things are going. The best time to excuse yourself is during dinner, which will not look suspicious. Again, after enjoying some caviar and a one hundred dollar glass of wine, your instincts should be telling you if this person is a possible soul mate. After the date, call your friend immediately, so they will know your alive and kicking!
If you have a cell phone, take it with you and make sure the battery is fully charged. Make sure you have emergency numbers programmed in your cell phone, for quick access. It is not a bad idea to have some pepper spray ready if needed. A flame-thrower is not a bad idea for first dates! This will keep things hot. If your food is under-cooked, the flame-thrower is an added bonus.
Do not get drunk by pounding back 5 shots of Jack Daniels and putting yourself in a situation where you can not use sound judgment. You need the perceptual powers of your mind, so you do not end up in a body bag somewhere. Not to mention, you might embarrass yourself by getting up on the table and doing a strip tease. Getting drunk will weaken your defenses and make you susceptible to being controlled by your date. Yes, drinking may take care of your nervousness, but you will lose your instincts to make right decisions.
Make sure you keep "ALL" personal items with you at all times! If you go to the bathroom, make sure your drink is consumed fully. You can simply ask for a new glass of water, when you get back from the bathroom. You don't want some magical sleeping powder slipped into your drink. If a person gets a hold of your cell phone, then your really in trouble. Protect your personal information by keeping it with you!
Do not go home with a person on the first date, unless the person is Lindsay Lohan or Richard Gere. Seriously! If you feel the other person is pushing you, then get up and leave immediately. The goal is to stay in a public place and pushy people are normally cons! A good con will try to talk you into anything! Watch out for the know it all and the pushy con artist! People who say, "oh... I know you want too" or "come on... we're having fun... let's go to your place." Anyone who tells you how to feel or what to think, run for your life!
In the unlucky event you have a psychopath on your hands, leave and get to your car. If you notice the person is following you, quickly get near a group of people. Call a taxi or friend to come and get you! Stay around a group of people and wait, but whatever you do, do not go anywhere alone. What does a person do in almost every horror movie? They run to a place where it is dark and there is no human soul in sight! You have to keep your wits and stick to the plan. Call someone and stay near a group of people. When you first get into the restaurant or wherever you are, scope out the the groups of people around you and be ready.
If you have a good time and feel at ease around the person, then set up another date and keep following the above rules, until you are sure about the date's intentions. Fox News found "ONLY" one website, that did a background check for felons and it was True.com. Also, you can have your cell phone number masked by Itellas.com. Itellas.com is just one extra measure, that may protect you from being traced by a psycho date! Most people today are finding love on the net and not through friends, so have a plan and wear a raincoat!
Seeking Ukrainian Women?
Ukraine is rapidly emerging as a country with a fiery spirit and an instinct for survival. Perhaps, the fact that despite being grounded in tradition, Ukraine is driven by a vibrant modern spirit that rubs off as optimism on its countrymen and women.
Ukrainian women are not just full of spark but they are very traditional in their values and simultaneously portray a modern approach to life. For many men, outside Ukraine, who are seeking Ukrainian women, your search should begin at any of the numerous dating agencies in Ukraine.
You may think to yourself, what's so special about Ukrainian women? What makes the women in Russia and Ukraine so desirable? Well, plenty! Ukrainian women are very beautiful, sincere, and caring with an open-minded approach to life and other cultures. They also possess meaningful qualities, which make them the one of the most desirable life partners.
Their exotic looks and style are a perfect combination of the classiness in Western women and the Ukrainian women are naturally elegant, with a delicate body structure that embodies seductive traits of womanhood that are very appealing to men!
An important thing to remember while in the initial days of your relationship with Ukrainian women is that, these independent women are not materialistic. Your wealth is not of paramount importance for them; but your love is. Don't boast about your five-bedroom home with Jacuzzi and swimming pool with them. No girl likes to think that she has been bought, and Ukrainian women are no different in this regard.
With a Ukrainian woman by your side, you have no need to worry about romantic link-ups outside marriage. They are well known for their loyalty, for being affectionate and very family-oriented. Hard working and diligent, they can balance both work and home with equal skill. Therefore, while they are excellent homemakers, wives, mothers and cooks, they are also very good at their work, smart, and competent!
If you are seeking a marriage partner from Ukraine then you should stop by a marriage agency in Ukraine. It's a fact that a happy marriage doesn't need advertisement. All you need to do is follow our simple rules and increase your chances of winning the heart of a very beautiful and loving Ukrainian woman!
Ukrainian women are not just full of spark but they are very traditional in their values and simultaneously portray a modern approach to life. For many men, outside Ukraine, who are seeking Ukrainian women, your search should begin at any of the numerous dating agencies in Ukraine.
You may think to yourself, what's so special about Ukrainian women? What makes the women in Russia and Ukraine so desirable? Well, plenty! Ukrainian women are very beautiful, sincere, and caring with an open-minded approach to life and other cultures. They also possess meaningful qualities, which make them the one of the most desirable life partners.
Their exotic looks and style are a perfect combination of the classiness in Western women and the Ukrainian women are naturally elegant, with a delicate body structure that embodies seductive traits of womanhood that are very appealing to men!
An important thing to remember while in the initial days of your relationship with Ukrainian women is that, these independent women are not materialistic. Your wealth is not of paramount importance for them; but your love is. Don't boast about your five-bedroom home with Jacuzzi and swimming pool with them. No girl likes to think that she has been bought, and Ukrainian women are no different in this regard.
With a Ukrainian woman by your side, you have no need to worry about romantic link-ups outside marriage. They are well known for their loyalty, for being affectionate and very family-oriented. Hard working and diligent, they can balance both work and home with equal skill. Therefore, while they are excellent homemakers, wives, mothers and cooks, they are also very good at their work, smart, and competent!
If you are seeking a marriage partner from Ukraine then you should stop by a marriage agency in Ukraine. It's a fact that a happy marriage doesn't need advertisement. All you need to do is follow our simple rules and increase your chances of winning the heart of a very beautiful and loving Ukrainian woman!
first date
First of all you should compliment her on the way she looks. Tell her things like, she looks fabulous in that outfit, or she has really beautiful hair and how attractive you find her. Women love compliments, so no harm in putting on the charm. She will feel comfortable about her appearance and this should dispel any uneasy feelings she might have been having, after all it is your first date and you hardly know what you think of each others physical appearance except for the fact that you are both obviously attracted to each other.
Talk about family what sort of family does she come from, are there many siblings and where does she fit in, is she in the middle or is she the last child in the family. Women just love to talk about their family and this would be a very relaxing conversation, one that she would feel comfortable indulging in. When she is talking, pay close attention and try and look interested in what she is saying and be responsive at the right time, don't just sit there nodding your head, take part in the conversation, ask questions, share anecdotes about your own family.
Talk about yourself, because she is probably dying to hear all about your life, like where you grew up as a boy, whether you are from a big family, and where do you fit in among your siblings, did you go to College and did you graduate, what was your first job experience, what hobbies do you like and what sort of food do you prefer. Make yourself sound exciting and interesting and she will definitely keep those questions coming at you and might discover that she would really like to see you again, because you are such an interesting person.
Tell her some real funny jokes if you can, if you two are laughing a lot on the first date, she will certainly get the impression that you are really a fun guy to be with. When she asks you a question always try and answer with a follow up question for her, you don't want to come across as a person who just wants to talk about yourself. Ask questions like what sort of food does she like, maybe who is her favorite singer and what sort of songs does she prefer, these are all easy comfortable questions and when the night is over she will definitely leave with the feeling that she has learnt so much about you and this will definitely be the deciding factor as to whether she will say yes to that second date.
Talk about family what sort of family does she come from, are there many siblings and where does she fit in, is she in the middle or is she the last child in the family. Women just love to talk about their family and this would be a very relaxing conversation, one that she would feel comfortable indulging in. When she is talking, pay close attention and try and look interested in what she is saying and be responsive at the right time, don't just sit there nodding your head, take part in the conversation, ask questions, share anecdotes about your own family.
Talk about yourself, because she is probably dying to hear all about your life, like where you grew up as a boy, whether you are from a big family, and where do you fit in among your siblings, did you go to College and did you graduate, what was your first job experience, what hobbies do you like and what sort of food do you prefer. Make yourself sound exciting and interesting and she will definitely keep those questions coming at you and might discover that she would really like to see you again, because you are such an interesting person.
Tell her some real funny jokes if you can, if you two are laughing a lot on the first date, she will certainly get the impression that you are really a fun guy to be with. When she asks you a question always try and answer with a follow up question for her, you don't want to come across as a person who just wants to talk about yourself. Ask questions like what sort of food does she like, maybe who is her favorite singer and what sort of songs does she prefer, these are all easy comfortable questions and when the night is over she will definitely leave with the feeling that she has learnt so much about you and this will definitely be the deciding factor as to whether she will say yes to that second date.
Online Dating Tips
The fact that you were interested in reading this write-up explains that either you are a fresher in the field of dating or have had a few disastrous dating experiences. For freshers, we would like to explain dating, as an ideal platform to know somebody and an opportunity to search for a good company and a great friend. Dating is nothing but a step forward in building a new relationship, it could either lead to friendship and if things go in the right direction you might even find your Mr./ Ms. Right.
It is not necessary that a date will lead to a special relation always. You might just land up finding a good friend on one such date or possibilities are that your vibes do not match, and both of you might just never meet the person ever again. It is very important thus, that you always keep your options open and not get disappointed on not having an ideal date.
Dating, these days has become a very common factor not only amongst the teenagers, but is also being readily accepted by the adult section of the society too. With the Internets growing in popularity and numerous dating sites and communities erupting every day, online dating too has gained great popularity. These easy to access dating rooms and chat facilities are an open window to a completely new world of strangers, who are ready to become your friend and spend some good time talking to each other.
As on the one hand online dating is interesting and adventurous, on the other, it also appears to be highly risky and dangerous to personal identities. Many cases of false identities and forgery have been reported over online dating, where people take the advantage of being invisible. It is therefore advised that a lot of care be taken while dating online.
We shall now be discussing some important aspects, which need special attention, while we opt for dating online.
Firstly, always safeguard personal information. It is recommended that you do not exchange personal information like, phone number, address, credit card number, bank a/c numbers etc. while you are dating online. It is usually seen that people use these information for illegal purposes, which can be harmful to you. It is a common practice amongst people who date online to use fake or junk names to hide their identity.
Secondly, when you approach a person online, read the person’s profile carefully and try to grasp the kind of person that he or she is. Filling up your dating profile therefore is very essential. Provide information that is correct to a certain extent, for example your likes and dislikes, your habits and hobbies etc.
Thirdly, do not hesitate to start up a conversation, and while you are striking a conversation, try to be patient and a good listener also. One very common mistake that people tend to make while approaching people online is, by getting too inquisitive and impatient about information on the other person. Do not get to hyped up or loose patience. This might put off the person on the other end.
Another very essential rule of online dating is, not to ask too many questions. Being too intruding or exhibiting a tendency to encroach upon the other person’s privacy acts as a negative point. Asking personal questions and questions on appearance also tend to act as a negative aspect of dating online.
Last but not the least; understand that the person is not interested in you when he/ she is not responding to your mails, or approaches. Do not get disheartened or loose hope as this affects the fun element of dating online –which says there is opportunity at every turn, just get hooked to it!
It is not necessary that a date will lead to a special relation always. You might just land up finding a good friend on one such date or possibilities are that your vibes do not match, and both of you might just never meet the person ever again. It is very important thus, that you always keep your options open and not get disappointed on not having an ideal date.
Dating, these days has become a very common factor not only amongst the teenagers, but is also being readily accepted by the adult section of the society too. With the Internets growing in popularity and numerous dating sites and communities erupting every day, online dating too has gained great popularity. These easy to access dating rooms and chat facilities are an open window to a completely new world of strangers, who are ready to become your friend and spend some good time talking to each other.
As on the one hand online dating is interesting and adventurous, on the other, it also appears to be highly risky and dangerous to personal identities. Many cases of false identities and forgery have been reported over online dating, where people take the advantage of being invisible. It is therefore advised that a lot of care be taken while dating online.
We shall now be discussing some important aspects, which need special attention, while we opt for dating online.
Firstly, always safeguard personal information. It is recommended that you do not exchange personal information like, phone number, address, credit card number, bank a/c numbers etc. while you are dating online. It is usually seen that people use these information for illegal purposes, which can be harmful to you. It is a common practice amongst people who date online to use fake or junk names to hide their identity.
Secondly, when you approach a person online, read the person’s profile carefully and try to grasp the kind of person that he or she is. Filling up your dating profile therefore is very essential. Provide information that is correct to a certain extent, for example your likes and dislikes, your habits and hobbies etc.
Thirdly, do not hesitate to start up a conversation, and while you are striking a conversation, try to be patient and a good listener also. One very common mistake that people tend to make while approaching people online is, by getting too inquisitive and impatient about information on the other person. Do not get to hyped up or loose patience. This might put off the person on the other end.
Another very essential rule of online dating is, not to ask too many questions. Being too intruding or exhibiting a tendency to encroach upon the other person’s privacy acts as a negative point. Asking personal questions and questions on appearance also tend to act as a negative aspect of dating online.
Last but not the least; understand that the person is not interested in you when he/ she is not responding to your mails, or approaches. Do not get disheartened or loose hope as this affects the fun element of dating online –which says there is opportunity at every turn, just get hooked to it!
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