Dating Tip: You Gotta Trust Your Instincts

Do you trust your instincts about people?

For a long time, I didn't. If I got a bad feeling (or even a series of bad feelings) about a person, I'd berate myself for jumping to conclusions. I'd figure I was just being a judgmental jerk.

Let's just say I ended up getting hurt a lot.

My late mother said to me once, "Terry, you see a red light, but you just keep on going. It's self-destructive." Of course, she was right, but it took me several years (and a heap of painful relationships) before I appreciated what she meant. These days I frequently have the opportunity to heed her advice because I just love to entertain. I enjoy spending time with friends, and I welcome my friends to bring along their friends so I can meet new people.

My husband and I recently threw a get-together. For the most part, we had a great time: Vodka and tonic and bruschetta and chili dip and a crackling fire added up to a pretty spectacular night.

The low point? One of our guests brought along a friend who gave me the heebie-jeebies. He dressed well, approached Brad Pitt in star-quality looks, and came off reasonably well-mannered. Yet something bothered me about him. Instead of dismissing my feelings this time, I honored them. I managed to stay away from him until he got the heck out of my house.

Is it possible I'm wrong about the guy? Maybe. Possibly. But I'd be 110% sure before I ever took him for a friend.

How about you?

Do you trust your instincts about people? Do you let them show you who they are before you decide whether they deserve a seat at your banquet? I'm talking about your life here!

I opened an email from a woman today who said her longtime boyfriend has never let her into his house. She often can't reach him by phone, either. What do you think is going on there? When we don't trust our instincts, we make excuses like, "Well, he's probably shy about letting a woman into his private space," or "He's been hurt before, and he's afraid to make himself vulnerable," or "He's so busy," and so on.

But, deep down, we know the truth.

When we love ourselves, we respect our instincts. We heed red lights because we're no longer self-destructive.

Are you heeding red lights or blowing straight through them to disaster?